You can’t change the past, or can you? Part 2: Early Adulthood
So what about those experiences which happen beyond childhood & adolescence? Can they be changed and why might you want to explore them in therapy later down the line? Well let me start by acknowledging that the earliest years of adulthood are often very formative and can have a huge impact on how we go on to see ourselves and the world around us.
Some things that typically might happen, or that we might expect to happen, during this chapter could be:
Stepping into autonomy; moving out, moving away, paying rent & bills.
Improving emotional stability and emotional independence from caregivers
Choosing a career path or going to university
Getting your first full-time job
Finding your new place in the world and forming new social groups.
Getting into long-term adult relationships/ Marriage
Childbirth/ Raising Children
As you can see, early adulthood can be filled with so much expectation in such a short period of time. For some people they look back at this chapter of life with happy memories, perhaps remembering the excitement and thrill of so much freedom and choice, and for others this might not be the case. It might be that as you read that list, it already brings up some emotion. Sometimes the release into early adulthood doesn’t go how you might expect.
Perhaps you found yourself with personal challenges like:
Unemployment or lack of opportunities
Financial difficulties
Identity conflict and confusion over what choices to make
Unexpectedly entering parenthood
Having a physical or mental illness that impacted your social life, education and/or ability to work
Family conflict, parental separation, illness or bereavement
Loss of connection and increase in loneliness due to things like friendship structures changing, moving away from support networks, heartbreak
Throughout this age period it is likely that you were still very much under the influence of some subconscious beliefs installed in your childhood, some of which may have been helpful, others unhelpful - this is partly why this chapter can still feel like such a whirlwind, a blur between childhood and adulthood.
You may find that revisiting the memories from this time evokes emotions which couldn't be processed at the time, or bring to light new realisations or perspectives, or you may find misunderstandings and unhelpful identifications that perhaps still have an impact on you today.
Some things to think over if you want to do some self-discovery into your experience of early adulthood and how this chapter may have shaped you?
Was the transition from adolescence to adulthood gradual or abrupt?
What was going on for you in each area of your life? (work, finances, relationships, health, passions)
What did you believe to be true at the time that you no longer believe now?
What decisions did you make then that you regret, but could now bring more understanding towards?
What unhelpful beliefs were compounded by the experiences you had?
What are you still holding onto from this time that still affects you day-to-day?
The reason why it can be useful to ask these questions is that the meanings we give when we look back at our past has an impact on what we believe about ourselves and how we experience the present and the expectations we make about the future.
At this time your self-awareness would have been limited, and you were likely trying the very best you could despite the multitude of challenges and changes around you. I wonder how you can look back with kindness towards your younger self. There might be something you can see from a different perspective, something you can let go of or something you might allow yourself to forgive.
If you have the courage to turn towards this chapter later in life either by yourself or with a therapist, you might be surprised at what you find and what you can transform.